"Oh My God, My God, I'm Broke! What Can I Possibly Do?"

“Oh My God, My God, I’m Broke! What CAN I Possibly do? : Things I Hope Will Help You Rest And Feel Better”

05/04/12

I think of you so very often, my dear, sweet, and kind friends, and loyal readers, and I know that too many of us are in such financial straits, that we worry about our money day and night; it only causes our current pain levels to rocket, and any psychological conditions we may have that include anxiety and panic, ‘money worries’ will only make our conditions worse.

I speak to you from stark experience: I am presently on SSDI, which is insufficient to my needs, I have nothing in the bank and yet I have almost maxed-out a major credit card; and still I have routine bills like utilities to pay, and food, medicines, taxes, and vet bills, like everyone else.

And I imagine—much like you—I find that financial worries occupy much of my thinking through the day, and, besides the nightmares, I find I often lie there, wide-awake, wondering what can I do for some grateful peace of mind, and growing sense of financial ‘rightness’.

Right now, pretend that you’re a passenger on some great ocean liner; you’ve fallen overboard, and the alarm has been sounded. By the time the ship has made full turn to about where you were, you may not be there now, and it takes a ship that large some hours to come full circle.  Can you swim, or stay afloat that long?

This example is valid in two ways, one, your illness or condition was an unforeseen, unchosen catastrophe: becoming disabled, and not being able to work; the loss of an established job.  Spending habits that—of a sudden—caused you to realize that you now were in dire distress: a house that may be foreclosed upon.  An illness, or loss of ability; or having—now—to have to survive on very much less money. Such as SSI, or SSDI., or now, one part time job, instead of two full time ones you might have been used to.

Two, because the situation that you now are in did not happen overnight; neither will the journey towards recovery happen overnight.

But is the accumulation of stress and worry worth it, or even good for you?

You can be certain you’re in deep trouble if:

1)           You have—at each month’s end—NO money in the bank.

2)           Your ‘combined’ indebtedness (not counting mortgage or car payments) on ‘store’ or major credit cards is over 30% of your available limit.  It really should be less, so that you ‘zero balance’ out your accounts every month, with no debt left to carry over.

3)           You have trouble making house payments, or car payments.

My situation is not really that different from yours.  I’m single, with dog Daisy, living in a double-wide, mobile home, that while ‘paid for’, still needs repairs, and the kitchen is slowly falling apart.  I’m 58 years old, on oxygen 24/7, and on a boatload of medicine, besides, some of which I pay co-pays for, and a few that are not covered that I have to pay near in full myself.

And though I have NO car, and thus no car insurance, I still must buy groceries, pay utilities, taxes…and a credit card that is a breath-away from being maxed-out, and whose minimum payment eats me alive.  I am disabled, ill, and on SSDI, which is a third of what I once earned.

And while I cannot presume your exact situations, I—too—worry inordinately about money, am broke, with nothing in the bank.  And so, to help assuage my worries as best I can, I have had to institute an ‘Austerity’ program of cutting back, or, frankly doing without, save starving, to bring that giant ocean liner of my finances back, full circle, to whence it started from.

It is not easy.  Nothing is.  Nothing.  Even some measure of peace of mind comes with it a most severe and unforgiving price.  But, my dearest friends, my doing nothing is frankly, driving me nuts with worry, and despair.

And so, should it may prove to be of some help to you, I will not presume to tell you what to do, but rather what I’ve begun to do to save my ass.  And, hopefully watch the tide of suffocating debt turn in my favor.  It is the very least I can do for you, who have so captured and retained my heart.

1)           My SSDI check.  I have arranged direct-deposit for it at my bank, and further have them automatically deduct—at ‘payday’—a small amount to savings.  While I inevitably have to use these ‘savings’, especially near month’s end, to put back into checking, that small amount has often meant the difference between having at least some food in the house, or finding myself in overdraft.

2)           I was able—at long last—to secure a major, ‘cash-back’ credit card, that featured o% a.p.r. for one year. After which the a.p.r. is 18.9% which is high, but then, I had store credit cards at 28.9% a.p.r. that, in addition, levied—each month—a ‘processing fee’ of $15.00, even if you were able to pay the balance off each month in full.  This may not sound like much, but, for those store cards that I had, that $15.00, monthly, comes out to $180.00 a year!  At one time, as I could obtain no major credit card, I carried differing balances on six, store cards that had such unbelievable fees.

You know how I maxed-out my major credit card? First, I transferred to it all my store outstanding balances, which included a 3% balance, transfer fee.  I have my pharmacy bill the card for all my medications; factor in three or four unbridled trips to the grocery store, which was stupid. For if you can at all help it, NEVER use a credit card to grocery shop.  It only implied a ‘limitlessness’ as to what I could buy, and I bought treats, or already-prepared meals, that ran the balance up.  There were two, past-due doctor bills I paid, in addition to a $75.00 co-pay, I was ‘surprised with’ at my Pain Management Doctor.  Its shocking just how quickly a credit card can be ‘ramped up’, until the minimum due each month itself becomes a major bill.

3)           And while I do not have a car, I would still suggest that, barring continued, and expensive repair, to keep the car you have.  Change the oil with synthetic oil every three months, along with the oil filter, and—if necessary—the air filter.  Keep your tires properly inflated. And do not use the most expensive gasoline, when a lesser grade will do.

4)           Since all of you have computers, save yourself gasoline and maintenance costs, by buying everything, except, of course, groceries, by shopping online, or by catalogue, I hope that this will help curb impulse buying.  And, although tax, and shipping are added (though not always), you will have saved extra driving, time spent in stores, and lousy traffic. Hint: whenever I go online to shop, say, for underwear, or a new shirt, I only go to the ‘clearance’ section, and try to couple it with a major discount promo offered there.  When—for example—I needed a Winter coat, I found one in a catalogue, under clearance, already, then at 78% off; this I paired with a discount catalogue promo of 50% for highest item purchased; it did not specify how many items you had to purchase.  Even including tax and shipping, I got a $257.99 coat, for less than $40.00.  Brand new. Full length, and all wool!  And, it was delivered to my front door; I didn’t have to go out to shop at all!

5)           Buy ALL your cleaning supplies, deodorants, shampoo, etc., at the ‘Dollar Store. Recently, my C.N.A. got all those things for me, plus a durable shower curtain, hooks, and a new bath mat, for $11.00 plus tax!

6)           I long-ago stopped buying gourmet treats or colas at the grocery store.  Instead, I buy the cheaper gallons of diet tea, but would save more money by buying the dried powder in cans, and then mixing it with water.  I still can have my morning and evening coffee, but should I have enough left in the pot before I go to bed, I save it to have the next day.  I’m weaning my dear Daisy off canned dog food, to larger, much less expensive bags of dried kibble.  I stay away from prepared foods such as rotisserie chickens, and…sigh, have—for now—eliminated any visits by my neighbor, or C.N.A. to the bakery for ‘sweets’.  I do buy the “Success Rice”, in the family pack, because there’s no way I can screw it up, and lunches sometimes consist of rice, over which has been poured canned soup.  With just a little butter, salt, and pepper, it makes an admirable lunch. I save the plastic grocery bags for garbage cans at home.

And for those of you—like me—who hate clipping coupons, I still look at the sale flyer in the mail, or call my local grocery store for prices on things I need.  For if I cannot get my neighbor or my C.N.A to shop for me, the delivery fee is $30.00, so if I must, at least I have a sizable order to give them, and use my debit card.

I am fortunate that they know me (by voice, and name, anyway) at the grocery store, and, often THEY will shop for the lower price; and should they have a BOGO (buy one, get one free) on an item I want, you can be sure I’ll take advantage of it!

7)           Frankly, no one sees my underwear or socks, so if my briefs are a little worn, or should I have a tiny hole in one toe of a sock…who cares?  It’s just a little thing that helps me cut down on costs. I don’t just toss them away, but pad-around the house in them, whenever my little ‘piddies’ get cold.

8)           Although my electric bill isn’t due until the middle of the month, I call the month BEFORE, to find out when my meter will be read; the next day, I can get an estimate of what my bill will be.  I do that with my cable, and my garbage disposal.  All the better to help me budget my next month’s money.

9)           This is important: about ten days before the end of every month, I make a budget for the coming month; of course it will change, and it is not unusual for me to have written five of six ‘tentative budgets’, for while I am doing this, before any new bills are due, I allot what certain sums I know will be true and accurate, along with credit card payments (about which, more later), as I know that on or about every 3^rd of each new month, is when I get a fixed, SSDI check; there is NO other money coming in.  And—where necessary—I can move figures back and forth to fit my income.  This may seem stupid, but it forces me to try to fit all I’ll think I need, within very strict parameters.  I think everyone should take some quiet time, before your bills are due, to prepare yourself; it will also help calm you, from the last-minute income blues.

10)   Since I am on oxygen, I have to have it cool at night; in Florida, that means 74 degrees. THAT makes the meter spin.  So, during the day, when I can tolerate it better, I move the thermostat to 76 or 77 degrees.  You might even be able to set yours on 80, then, cool it down at night. Don’t forget, my oxygen compressor runs 24/7, and drives my electric bill up.  It is—however—one of those things, as you will doubtless have such things you cannot change or lower.

11)   With my major, credit card, I know when my billing cycle ends, and when the bill is due, and what the minimum payment is. And I telephone it about every other day, to keep track of accumulated charges, particularly since I am so very close to the edge (think falling off the ship).  Note: if your bill is due, say, on the 12^th, but your billing cycle is on the 15^th, any payment that you make the ‘day after’ your billing cycle, is automatically applied to the next month’s bill. 

In that manner, I was finally able—by about the 20^th of April, to pay the minimum due for May; thus, I now owe no bill until June, although, since I’m so low, I shall have to make some kind of payments this next month to help lower my balance.  And, should I again be able to make a payment after May’s billing cycle, my bill will be paid until July. Though even if I can over-apply myself, I’m so close to maxing-out that it will take MONTHS before I am at zero balance.  And, mind you, with the store transfers, and the meds, and grocery trips, it only took me four months to max-out the card!

If you happen to be like so many Americans, you may have more than one credit, or store card, whose balances are high.  What to do? One trick that seems to work is something I’d like to call the,

“Square Dance Credit Card Game”.

Let us say that you currently have—for example—five, credit cards, with varying balances, and minimum payments due each month.

First, you will have to list ALL of your credit cards, their current balances, and their minimum payments.  List them in order, from low balance to high.

On that list of five cards, pay the required minimum for now; if possible, on four. For the first card, the one with the lowest balance, pay the minimum, PLUS all the extra you can apply to the balance.  Do this, each month until card # 1 is paid off.

This leaves you with four remaining credit cards to pay off.

Make a new list of all four remaining cards, and on three, continue to pay the minimum; on the second card, pay the minimum, PLUS, anything else you can pay, PLUS, that amount that you paid regularly on the first card, which is now paid off.

This accelerates the payment to credit card # 2, which will be paid off much sooner.

When card # 2 has been paid off, list the three, remaining cards, and their balances.  To card # 3, pay the minimum due, PLUS anything else you can pay, PLUS, the amount you paid on cards # 1 and 2.

As you can see, in this fashion, the balance of credit card # 3, will be paid off quickly.

When card # 3 is paid in full, pay the minimums that had been due on cards # 1 and # 2, and #3, but on card #4; pay all extra that you can, PLUS, former payments on cards 1 and 2 and 3.

When—at last—only one credit card, card #5, remains, pay the minimum, PLUS the minimums you used to pay on cards #1-4, PLUS any extra that you can, PLUS, the monthly payments you made on cards 1-4.

As the lowest credit card balance is paid off, that payment is added, monthly to the next highest, and so on. For some time, this may be painful, as if you are no better off…however…

Provided you can stick with this…and it does take a LOT of willpower, you will find that, in general, your last, and highest-amount card, #5, can be paid off fairly rapidly.

This ‘pay-down’ method requires discipline; don’t re-ramp up the card balances on any of the paid off credit cards, but use them only for emergencies.  Never count any extra as more discretionary income, or you will fail. You will only find yourself with ‘extra’, or extra discretionary income when you have extra in the bank, and can pay for things by cash or check debit.

However, if you can stick to it, instead of feeling dread, and a marked sense of powerlessness over your finances, as each card is paid off, that’s one less cad you have to worry about; that feeling—alone—is very liberating, knowing that YOU, not the credit cards, have taken charge (excuse the pun!).

Of course there will be times when you will have no course BUT to use your credit cards. Do not berate yourself for having to charge things beyond your control, such as household repair, or car repair. Or sudden illnesses.

Don’t cancel any paid off accounts, as that can affect your credit scores; just gather up the paid off cards, tie them up with a rubber band, and then keep them in a safe place.

12)   As much as I truly do love my friends, for now—at least—there can be no gifts, no flowers, no presents, just a card, maybe.

13)   For $1.99, each, I bought four boxes of tasteful-enough, blank inside, note cards by ordering from a catalogue.  I like the design, which is my last initial framed with golden leaves, and in them, I can write any sentiment I want.  Please do the math: a general greeting card, bought in a store costs maybe $4-5.00.  Each box I bought contains twenty cards and envelopes. With shipping, and minimal tax, each card cost me maybe 15 cents.  Besides, a short, hand-written sentiment means more than an over-cute, silly rhyming card.  You’d be surprised how even little savings add up.

14)   Almost every day, I think of ways I can economize; from buying generic medications, to hopefully lowering my electric bill as I am able.

15)   I also try to change the filter on my A/C unit once a month; the last time that I changed it, I was really surprised at how dirty it had gotten, and an inefficient filter makes you’re A/C run harder, using up gulps of electricity.

16)   I’ve had to give up junk food and fast food, even though I LOVE Taco Bell, and KFC, and Burger King. When averaged out, these delicious ‘treats’ cost a fortune, especially when they are used to substitute a regular, sit-down meal.

17)   Washing machines, dryers, and dishwashers. When using dishwashers, or washing machines, run them to reasonable capacity, instead of just for several items at a time.  Please understand your dryer does eat electricity, but when you use it, run a whole load; remove things like shirts as soon as possible to avoid wrinkling.  If you can, line dry clothes if you can as there’s nothing quite like that fresh, ‘out-door’ smell of line-dried clothes.

18)   Excepting for my ‘shower day’, I turn my hot water heater on the night before (so I won’t forget…again…YIKES); as soon as I’m out, I turn the hot water heater off again.

19)   I only turn on as many lights in the house that I will need, and have tried to reduce the wattage from 100 to 60.

20)   Unless someone is going to cook a giant roast for me, or a twenty-five pound turkey, rarely do I use my oven as it uses a lot of electricity; instead, I use my microwave, or, if I must, the stove.

21)    And while I know that this sounds so cheap, if ever I have to break a dollar, I save the change to a large cup I have; when it is full, it goes to the bank to be counted, AND deposited.  You could even make a little game of it; often we end the day with some spare change in our pockets; empty out your pockets every night, and put the loose change into something like a large jar, with a slit cut in the lid.  Make the jar ‘off limits’, or reward yourself with a little piece of candy when you ‘contribute’.  If you can (which, so far I can’t do), is to throw in a dollar or two from time to time, especially if you’ve had occasion to earlier ‘crack’ a twenty.

And, unless you are a profuse ‘sweater’, try—if possible—to get at least two wearings out of a shirt, or blouse, three or four for a pair of trousers, before washing them; most of us sustain a level of hygiene-sufficient to get away with this; of course, underclothing and socks are single-wear items before having to have to launder them.  Similarly, unless otherwise, night, or sleepwear can be washed once a week.  Same for bed linens. And towels; for after all, you’re merely drying yourself of now-clean water.

And, now, while this will win me no brownie points, should you be in deepest doggie-doo, there are some things that—for now—you are going to have to forego completely.

1)           Movies in a theater; it costs a fortune just to huddle in a show box of a theater, to see the ‘latest’ releases. On top of that, a trip to the concession stand can break the bank tout suite.  Have you any idea how much mark-up is the popcorn?  Or the sodas? Or the greasy, cheese-laden nachos?

This also means good-bye for now to Starbucks, and your morning latte.

2)Forget that the word, ‘vacation’ even exists, when a trip for four to Walt-Dismal World can cost a couple thousand dollars, for parking, tickets, food, souvenirs, or hotel stays. Opt—instead—for a two, or three day camping trip; visit a museum. Or a park.

3)Granted I may have been around during the time of the dinosaurs, but I will never understand excessive texting, when simply leaving a message would suffice; should your plan include free texting, its probably time to renegotiate and lower your plan costs.  BTW, should you be disabled, or on SSI, or SSDI, or receive food stamps, you may qualify for a free cell phone, with some texting (at a price), but enough minutes to be useable, and these minutes roll-over.

Although I am now only a month or two in ‘guerilla’ budgeting, already, just that little bit that I was able to add to savings saved my ass in overdraft fees.

And I’m sure that if you take the time, you will be able to come up with your own budgeted list.  Do not think of it as a denying, but, rather as a treatment plan that will promote financial healing; it was either that, or drive myself to have to take another Klonopin to help steady my nerves.

While perhaps many of my suggestions sound loony, or make you begin to think that you’re somehow living in a fifth-world nation, it is, because, for all intents and purposes, you are.

The Economy sucks big-time, and many of us feel as if we’re on upward treadmills, that roll backwards.  There is NO more Middle Class, and I regret to say I feel the situation will not be any better for our children.  The self-indulgent 80’s are an historic irony; yet it is one we tend to cling to. 

How often MUST we have a 72” plasma TeeVee set, and laptops, stereos, surround sound, while we are drowning in our own debt.  Its either become a fighter, or learn Chinese to welcome our new landlords. I’m totally serious.

And while I am not out of the woods by a long shot, I do feel that I’m making needed progress.  So can you!

Please always know I love you dearly!

‘Zahc'/Charles

" Why Do I So Often Fear The Coming Night ? "

“ Why Do I So Often Fear The Coming Night “

(is it because of seeming, endless, horrid nightmare, that in consuming all, would also seek my breath, or, rather that each night is thieve to prior day, to bring me that much closer unto death?)

dedicated to my dear friends, ‘mabri’; ‘DenverCowboy’; ‘1magicman’; to Joan; and, of course to dear, ’Strenuba’

05/02/12

By ‘Zahc’

I

I often wonder, now, why I fear so much the coming night?

Could it be that—in depression, and a hundred, other agonies, I do not want to surrender any—should there have been some--of a day’s calm, and wonderful sight.  

Exhausted, more than sleepy, now, I know I shall awake red-faced, sweated, fearful from nightmares that collectively affright,

and, gasping-know that nightfall signifies one less day, even if those days are pain-filled and unpleasant, marked upon the calendar of my life when—in my long-ago, and dusty youth—so much seemed to delight,

that only now is a nonetheless failed and traduced attempt at memory’s second sight.

II

Or—rather—it is that the house has become too quiet, that I truly know that I am alone,

pausing to utter fractured prayers of a base unreasonableness, to a God I’ve never seen: to atone,

and, in giving—gladly—all my goods and worth I own,

abjure past sins that gather me in coldness now, when the cardboard fortress that is my home is too empty and too quiet, saving for an old dog’s moan,

for she is running to some private, hunting dream, and lost in an old dog’s sleep I cannot find, for me—instead, there IS no comfort known.

III

And why cannot I find some lingering sense of peace, somewhere among the scores of medicines I take, which are pushed and pulled by illness, pain; that offers only brief respite, but really does not abate

the chilling thoughts that horrid dreams will pursue me, to lead ever downward to that great,

and fiery lake; how then can I at last pay Charon’s fare across the Styx?, where a triple-headed, monsterous Cerberus lies in wait

as guardian to a hellish scape of unending torment, or, rather would some dreamless sleep prove to be my fate.

Though I would choose sweet angels to bear up my soul, their rap’tous songs of evanescent joy elate.

IV

To find myself face to face with a kinder, more forgiving Lord,

Who—in made manifest, eternal love—would gather me ‘round with soothing word,

forgiving me for a life-time of slights, both minor and major failures of the soul, however odd.

At least—in dreams—of beauty rare in cleansing, clarifying, changing to some perfect self be heard,

And by that gentle, soft, and reassuring Voice, instead, be stirred!

V

But, once again, I find myself awake—too early—as if beaten by a hundred whips to face the dawn.

And in my collected sorrow know that, still… somehow, life—as such—must go ever forward, and still forward, until such time when life—itself is gone

with naught else to anticipate, save a cup of coffee’s ‘fun house’ reflection of a face so tired and wan

that were not my barren tears used so nearly up, they might fall to some desert patch of sleeping earth to somehow make it less despairing, and in a joyful fruitfulness, respond!

Oh !, could I at last be as unchained from nightmare chained to nightmare, chained to the evilness of nightmare? With its inevitable thoughts of death, to ever fly away, and fly beyond!

VI

To be ever less consumed with pain by day, of course, would doubtless—so continued be my flight,

Until the dark, and dreary end of day, would prove to ever still the ravening fear I have each night.

End

Please always know you occupy some larger place within my heart.

Love,

‘Zahc’/Charles

" A Time--Perhaps--For Some Honest Revelations "

04/28/12

Since beginning my 'Blog' in late march, 2011--while I knew little about the genre, or what would consist of content, or, of how to attract (and keep) readers--I nonetheless wanted a forum in which to share with you my deepest thoughts, problems, life experiences, short vignettes of various kind, as well as the occasional poem, I found that my biography did not nearly exlain my situation, nor my desires.

These, I found, were two-fold: one, to bring to you expostion of a non-specific kind that you might find to be of some help, or interest, and, to also--in time--increase my readership base; the very notion of having loyal readers world-wide intrigued me, and--frankly--in time--I hoped to maybe monetize the Blog to help me with a dificient income.

While trying to find one's Voice, I had notable problems with sustainable content, as so, alowed the enrties to lapse for some four months; this effectively destroyed any readership I might have hoped to have, but--yet--I somehow, wanted to continue.

I happened to join a site called, 'MDJunction.com', which is an enormous member-based, clearing house for individuals with all manner of physical, and/or psychiatric conditions who were looking for support, caring, information, and understanding; one of the features of MDJunction was that members could write 'diary entries' on really, anything they liked, and the diary space allowed for member comment.

And so, I began, with some hesitancy, to write diary entries, there, in hope to prove to be of some, small possible help as a thanks for all who willingly befriended me, and for their kindness, caring, and non-judgemental support.

Slowly, I found it easier to write entries in that format.  And when--since late July of 2011--I found that I had written some 180 entries, I thought--perhaps--to begin to transfer them to my Blog.  These entries to MDJunction were almost all positive, urging me to cast wider my nets; and it remains a thrilling possibility of taking my MDJ entries to the next level...that of my Blog.  To keep MDJ's membership of some 60,000 persons, to that of my Blog, which, in being world-wide, might attract more, and more regular readers.

Please forgive me, if I indulge in some vain, self-promotion, but, what do I have to say, that is not already being said somewhere amid a billion, other blogs?

1) I try to write about problems that we all have in common, perhaps, regretably, in a style of writing not seen for a hundred years.

2) And while, my friends, I freely admit to using punctuation as I may feel, I do try to write concise sentences, not given to slang, or to the current (and, to my mind, most annoying) tendency to 'text speak', nor, exposition that is 'emoticon heavy'.

3) I seriously promised, both at MDJunction and here, to never knowingly lie to you.  I realize that such a promise is itself, open to suspicion; but one I hoped would be made manefest in the content of my entries.

To give you--perhaps--a better glimpse of who I am, beyond a bundle of likes and dislikes is my profile at MDJ., which I will attempt to share with you now.

'Zahc'
57 yr. old male.
Lives alone with 14 yr old Border collie mix.
Disabled since 2002. effective 2005.
Dx's: since 2002:
1)Acute Anxiety with Panic attacks; Severe Depression with Agoraphobia.
2)Numerous fractured ribs, and vertebral compression fractures at T-3-5, from frequent falls.
3)COPD; Orthostatic Hypertension: Migraines.
4)Apnea; RLS.
5)Slight episodes of CHF.
6)Diabetes.
7)Fibromyalgia; Lupus; connective tissue disorder.
8)Diabetic retinopathy.
9)Diabetic Neuropathy.
10)1-3+ edema in feet/legs to knees.
11) Possible RA
12) Chronic fatigue; Chronic pain Syndrome.
Hx. of asthema; bronchitis; pneumonia
13) Apparent Hx. of PTSD from childhood.
Am now on a bucket-load of medications which I detest.
Am housebound 98% of time, except for visits to doctor's offices.
Am on pain medication.
Have friends 38 miles away who never visit me, 'tho they telephone once or twice a week.
My dog is my best friend.
I now have the attention span of a gnat; I no longer watch television.
Sitting or standing for any length of time just about paralyzes me, and I then feel as if I am losing consciousness.
Am on oxygen 24/7, and can only walk with cane. I no longer can drive a car.
And live in a rural area with no one to talk with. And, often feel trapped and alone.
Though I am grateful for it, I have to live on a disability income that's at least a third of what I once earned.
I have NO family to speak of.
I live in Florida; its too hot and humid to get out, and require assistance with bathing, or getting in or out of a car.
I am on medicare, since 2005; Medicaid is a laugh.
And I am always broke by the 10th of the month.
However, any time I need an extra shower, or my lawn mowed, or my house tidied up, or my laundry done, or groceries bought & prescriptions picked up, I have to pay for these 'services' out of pocket.
And while I no longer moan, "Why me ?". I am bitter, and in almost constant pain.
My sleep is erratic with pain, and several bathroom calls, so am almost always tired.
I used to be an artist, wrote poetry, made books for friends, composed music, took photographs, wrote plays, and short stories...now...nothing.
I now need naps in the afternoon to survive the evenings.
Have gained 80 pounds, and am up to 3XL.
Have been trying to fix/repair/remodel my home on the cheap.
Often, I don't even feel well enough to become bored. One day is about like the next.
And, as I age, my symptoms just get worse.
When I was younger, I got a B.A. in Social & Behavioral Sciences, and Psychology, and have spent most of my working life in the health care field.
I still consider myself to be a good listener, and always enjoyed it if I could help others.
I now do nothing to earn my keep as an human being. And I hate it.
Sometimes, I wish I came equipped with an 'off' button.
If the Past was awful, the Present almost unbearable, I cannot even begin to imagine a Future that is not dismal in the extreme.
Oh, I used to enjoy gardening, but now, can no longer reach down, or get down on my knees as I need help getting up.
And I have great difficulty holding and using a pen as the entire right half of my right hand is completely numb; as it--too--is a numbness that causes pain. Go figure.
I really do not need 'hand holding', nor do I wish to be read stories to.
In fact, I have really NO idea what I think I want or need.
I do believe that I am more nice than nasty, and that I would--again--like to be of some help to someone in the same boat as am I.
Coping skills would be nice. Funny news, good news, anything. Your first grandchild; your new puppy ( or kitten ); your favorite receipe; your fondest hope; your mortal fear; what you think of during long nights of pain when sleep will not come, and is not restorative when it does.
I once had a fine mind that my body is now destoying bit by bit.
But then, most of you will know exactly what I mean.
Thanks for time at the podium.
Please take care all.
'Zahc'


The truth is that I am presently, very ill, and should you have read my blog entries, you will know that I am often in unbearable pain; both my diary entries to MDJ., and here, have proven to be of immeasurable help, in that, no matter how I may be feeling, my writing is often an anodyne to pain, and loneliness.  And one of my few, remaing delights is to be read, and commented on.

I am NOT asking for pity, or for 'pity points', as--while the state of my health was never sought, nor desired--yet--it remains an integral part of my life.

I would like for whatever 'Voice' I do have to find sympathetic ears, it is rather the context of the entries that I would glady wish might form some kind readership, among you.

I most sincerely hope that what I have to say may prove to be of interest, as it mimics my regular diary entries, and--therefore--the 'adventures', and progress of a life...my life.

I would urge--should you 'accidentally stumble-across' this blog-- to kindly stay a while, and, if you have the time, to go back, and read my older posts.

To clear up some possible confusion, under MDJ., I post under the name of 'Zahc', though my name is Charles.

It is my continued hope that you may find my 'vision', and my 'views', to be contemporary, and germane to an everyday life, that we all share.

I welcome you to my Blog, and hope you will return again, and again.  Should you ever have problems, questions, doubts, even, your comments would be most welcome !

And, as always, I wish you and yours well; may you never know want; may you be surrounded by the ones who love you, and care for you.  I wish you quiet and untroubled days, and nights of blissful rest, kept always safe and secure.

I thank you for your most kind, and wonderful patience, and loyal reading.

Please take care,

Charles/'Zahc'

" An 'A-B-C-' Of Home Health Care...Part IV of IV "

 “ An ‘A-B-C ‘ Of Home Health Care: A List Of Things You NEED To Know (Which Might Just Save Your Life, Or The Life Of Someone You Love), Incomplete As It May Be…Still  “

Part IV of IV

04/30/12

To my ever dearest, loyal friends, and constant readers, I remain ever grateful to you for your caring, and support; in my attempt to somehow repay that debt of absolute gratitude to you for your kindness, and love, and of accepting me as I am, it is my goal to try to prove to maybe be of some help to you; to maybe make your lives better and more secure.

I delight in your wonderful company, and even as I fully know that you have both mental and health issues, yet, you have somehow made room for me.  Never once have you been unfriendly, or unkind, nor ever wavering in your support.   You have made me feel welcome here, at MDjunction, and yet, you have never been judgmental, or censorious, which is so often so counter to those I meet in real life, that I count you among my blessings, and, many times, I cannot believe my good fortune in having stumbled-across MDJ, where I have made both wonderful, and lasting friendships, so many I hope will be long and thoroughly enjoyable.

There seems to be too frequent times, during which I am lost in pain and depression, unable to find but errant, short, or unreliable relief; I know that many of you feel the same, yet, in being my dear friends, and pausing to read my diary entries, and with your comments, and criticisms, you bring to me a singular joy I thought I had lost; it is YOU who have been as stalwart, always being ‘there’ for me, when my massed complaints would otherwise wear me down and out, and, in utter hopelessness, I would be alone, and full-given into my depression, my agoraphobia, panic, and a general fearfulness of a Future without change, without cure, without refuge, and quite without any sense of happiness.

And while I write these many diary entries to try to regain some sharpness and clarity of old, I dedicate them to YOU, my dear, sweet friends, in expectant hope that even some little bits will prove to be of help to you. It remains among my fondest hope that—in them—you may find both comfort, and direction that may further your own goals and aspirations, and the successful intervention of illness, accident, or injury in perfecting your own, ‘First Aid Kit’; which, while it may appear long, unnecessary, tedious, maybe…it is my offering to you to help keep you or a loved one safe, often until an ambulance arrives.

And when I happen to receive a hug, or PM, or diary comment that I have helped you, then, my heart is truly happy.  And I thank you for all these things, and more.

I realize that I tend to run overlong, but ask of you to stay the course, and then make up your own minds.  What matters is that I think of you so very often, and want you to be well. With ALL the happiness that you most kind hearts can hold.

And so to that end, if I may be allowed to present you with Part V of V, on;

“ An ‘A-B-C’ Of Home Health Care : A List Of Things You NEED To Know…”

My dearest friends, EVEYONE needs to assemble a fairly simple, yet fairly comprehensive First Aid Kit to have with you at home; granted, this is—for me—an ideal, wish list, some of which you might never need, but I nonetheless desire to provide you with various things that may—in fact—save lives, and that will also buy you time until ‘911’ has been called, and the ambulance arrives.

The list—as such—is not alphabetical, to lessen the chance that in doing so, potentially valuable items might  accidentally be forgotten, and unfortunately left off the list. I am also thinking as I write. Frankly, the only time an alphabetized list would come in handy, is to—at an eye-glance—tell you what you have, and possibly, what you will need.

The Container:

You will want to make a First Aid Kit that is accessible, but one not underfoot.  An empty 2-litre soda box with handles will suffice, but you want your supplies to remain dry, and free from getting wet; equally, an old suitcase can be used (just be sure that if you lock it, you will have the key on hand, which wastes valuable time!). What you don’t want, is to have your supplies jostling-about, and lose, as you want to be able to lay ready hand to whatever you may need with as little delay as possible.

After careful consideration, what I would recommend is one of those large, plastic tackle boxes that fishermen use, with the fold-out drawers.  These boxes close compactly, and can be snapped shut in the front; further, they have carrying handles on them, are fairly inexpensive, and are available in bright colors to be more quickly and easily seen.  The many fold-out compartments help keep your supplies separated, and, if the top of the box is white, you can take a magic marker, and boldly write upon it, “First Aid”.  This box should contain your first aid supplies….and nothing else.

A continued list of ‘What You Will Want To Get:

PLEASE note that to be on the ‘safe side’, regarding ANY O.T C. (over the counter) preparations that I may recommend, I will always err on the side of prudence and caution in their use; I urge you to do the same.  Not all directions to these ‘medications’ should even be followed by the directions on the box, but—rather—to be used more sparingly, enough to help you, as I’ve seen a tendency, especially in America, an attitude that, “If one pill works, two will work better and faster…and so on.”  This may pose a decided problem for you, among two more concerns: when it is time to call ‘911’, or take the ill person to a Primary physician; hence, ALL my recommendations—as may be necessary—will be as general guides, only. And then, to be used sparingly, for my conscience dictates that—in any help to you—too much of anything is never good, nor wise.

In order to save time, and to marshal my thoughts, I have ‘listed’ what you may need, with any, necessary explanation for these items as we go along.  Doubtlessly, some of the things will make more sense than others; should you have further suggestions, remarks, questions, or criticisms, I would most kindly ask you to leave them in comment section, or in PM’s, or even ‘hugs’ to me, and I will be more than happy to reply.  And if—in still natural, further doubt—I would urge you to speak to your Primary, or Pain Management Physician.  Thank you. ‘Zahc’

1)           Aspirin.     Discovered in 1890, and one of the class of drugs called ‘NSAIDs’, such as Tylenol, Motrin, Aleve, etc., which stands for, “Non-Steroidal, anti-inflammatory drug”, which means that they do not contain steroids such as cortisone, or prednisone.  Aspirin comes in many brands, and strengths, from ‘baby aspirin; to regular aspirin (326 mg. tabs); to extra-strength aspirin (500 mg. tabs); to now, ‘adult-strength’ aspirin (81-83 mg. tabs).  Aspirin is cheap, and performs a variety of uses.  It is an ‘anti-inflammatory’, to reduce swelling; an ‘analgesic’, to reduce pain; and an, ‘anti-pyretic’, to reduce elevated temperatures. 

Further, The American Heart Association recommends that—as may be tolerated, adults should take an 81-83 mg. dose, daily, to help prevent, or lessen the severity of heart attacks.  Since aspirin can upset your stomach, these adult doses should be coated (enteric coating), so that the aspirin will dissolve in the intestines, rather than in the stomach; further reading has suggested that in doubling the dose, to one in the morning, one at night, may slow the onset of Alzheimer’s disease.  And as with all, O.T.C preparations always look for the ‘sell buy’ date to ensure freshness and efficacy. To many, partially dissolved aspirin tastes very bitter.

2)           Tylenol.  An ‘NSAID’ to be used, in lieu of aspirin, for those for whom aspirin upsets their stomachs, or, who are allergic to aspirin.

3)           Imodium.  An O.T.C. preparation that is used to slow, and stop diarrhea.  However, as nasty as it is to have diarrhea, where possible, it should be allowed to continue at least two to three days, untreated, as diarrhea is the body’s way of rapidly removing toxins from the system, such as those in flu; some types of food poisoning, etc. However, you want to keep in mind two things: that unchecked diarrhea can rapidly lead to dehydration, which is why you want to continue to ‘push’ fluids and soup.  As important is: that over-use, can cause the stool to ‘concretize’ in the bowel, resulting in severe constipation, or ‘impaction’, which, if left untreated, can be life-threatening.  Constipation that lasts for more than four days should require a trip to the emergency room; and, should I not have previously mentioned it, one of the signs of an impaction is ‘fullness, the inability to express stool, except for slight diarrhea that is forced around the impaction, and out.

4)           Laxatives.  These, too, should be used with prudence; pain medication can often be very constipating. So ‘stool softeners’ (generic name: docusate sodium, or docusate potassium), gently help to encourage the production of stool.  These—too—should be used, with caution, as the ‘docusate sodium’ contains salt, for those who have hypertension.  Perhaps, the powdered versions mixed with either water, or fruit juice, taken daily, should provide necessary bulk, and ease of passing stool.  Plus, the too-frequent use of laxatives may contribute to one becoming, ‘laxative dependent’, especially in the elderly, where normal bowel motion may be lost, until one cannot go to the bathroom without laxatives.

5)           Oil of Clove, or ground, powdered Clove.  This is an absolute, non-habit forming, nor potentially dangerous Godsend for tooth and/or gum pain.

While nothing—of course—will take the place of regular, dental hygiene, or visits to the dentist, often, toothaches occur at all the wrong times, and can be severe, and these days, few can afford to visit a dentist regularly, or at all.

Add a little water to the ground cloves to make a paste that will adhere better to teeth and gums, or directly apply the oil to the toothache with—of course—washed hands, or with a palette made or a tongue depressor; rub it thoroughly into the top of the tooth that hurts, and massage it into the sides, and gums.  Since it is a ‘natural’ product, without noted side-effects, it can be used repeatedly to buy you time, or to just temporarily eliminate toothache pain, which can be so severe, it can be applied as often as you may need.

While this is a wonderful approach, it does NOT replace dentist visits in case of abscess, or infection.  It is—however—safe-enough to use in moderation on small children who may be ‘teething’.

6)           ‘Burn Cream’, or—where possible—silver sulphathiazide cream, in the treatment of minor burns, to help reduce the pain, and encourage healing.  Please note that severe burns ( ones that cause blistering, or lack of pain sensation, or ones that cover larger areas of skin, should immediately necessitate a call to ‘911’, and an ambulance trip to an emergency room, or nearest burn center).

7)           Flashlights.  For the ‘Home First Aid Kit’, I would recommend having two: one regular one for illumination in dark settings, and one, ‘pen light’, smaller flashlight that may be held in the ‘on’ position in the mouth, to free-up use of both your hands.  Always keep on hand a pack of fresh, unopened, and unused batteries.

8)           Thermometers.  For years, we have become accustomed to the old, triangular, glass thermometer which contains mercury, and requires keeping sterile in alcohol, or with alcohol-based wipes; these must be ‘shaken down’, by several, quick, ‘whip’ motions, while holding the top.  These came in two types: blue at top for oral thermometers, and red, for anal use.

These thermometers can break easily, especially when attempting to ‘take’ the temperature of one who is ill, and may have chills.  In addition, old, glass thermometers contain mercury, which is very poisonous.  I would not recommend their use.  Instead, I would suggest that you purchase a plastic, disposable, digital thermometer (along with end-covering sleeves, to help keep them sterile), that is light-weight, and ‘beeps’ when the correct temperature is arrived at.  Since the end of a digital thermometer is lightly weighted, it still may prove difficult to keep it in the mouth of those who are ill, children, and the elderly, or those who lack the teeth to hold it in their mouths.  There are two, other ways in which a temperature may be reached, and these you need to know.  First, in babies, the temperature should be taken rectally.  To the value that you receive, deduce one point.  Thus, if your young child (or, grandchild’s rectal temperature is, say, 103.0, deduce one point, to make it now, 102.0, a proper reading.  For those who simply cannot keep a thermometer in the mouth, any value—there obtained—will be useless.  Instead—where possible—place the thermometer securely under the arm pit, and make sure the thermometer is held tightly there; this is referred to as an ‘axillary temperature’, whose value you will need to add one point.  While ‘oral’ temperatures are supposed to be more accurate, what good is it if the person cannot keep it in the mouth, under the tongue.  However, should you use either of these alternative ways, and subsequently need to report them, always designate whether taken rectally, or axillary

9)             Every Home First Kit should have a bottle of peroxide; allow to dribble over wounds, or apply—carefully—with sterile cotton balls, before bandaging.

10)   One bag of sterile, cotton balls.

11)   One package of sterile Q-tips, to use in dabbing ointment to a wound; NEVER use them in your ears to clean them, as you will probably compact the wax that is there, which may lead to ear pain, or ear ache, or infection!

12)   Traditional, metal boxes of band aids usually offer different sizes, many of which you may never, ever have a use for.  Look—instead—for a box of band aids that are at least 3/4ths inches wide, or one inch wide.  Those tiny lengths, and little, round spot band aids are useless, do not cover the wound, and never stay in place.  If—for example—one has a fairly simple finger cut, drape one band aid over the wound, and secure it in place, by wrapping another one around it.  Band aids should be changed regularly, about every day, or, every other day.  We all have had experience with band aids that have been left on too long; the skin—beneath—is always super white, mottled with blue, and feels odd to the touch.  While you want the wound to heal, you do not want to compromise the blood circulation in the fingertip, or, indeed, anywhere else on the surface of the body.

13)    Blood Pressure Cuffs.  For general ease of use, portability, and convenience, I would fully recommend a Velcro, wrist blood pressure cuff; these are fairly inexpensive, and are very accurate.  And, they stay in place, better, being held in place by Velcro.

So many accidents happen at home, many of which go way beyond any treatment that little, rusted, box of band aids in your medicine cabinet can provide.

Dressing equipment (bandaging), and other needed supplies:

14)   At least two boxes of gauze pads, 4 inches X 4 inches.  Use it to apply to wounds; but please keep in mind that plain gauze can sometimes stick to an open wound, and so;

15)   At least two boxes of “Telfa”, 4 X 4 inch pads; these do not stick to wounds.

16)   Several, packaged lengths of elastic, netting, often called ‘Curlex’.  This is used to wind-around a wound, to help keep the pads in place; they also promote air to reach the wound, to help in healing.  Always remember that dressings should be changed every day, and kept as dirt-free as possible.

17)   Now, you will need some kind of tape to use to secure the Curlex; basically, there are two types: A) Paper tape, and; B) Cloth tape.  While cloth tape may prove to better hold a dressing shut, you will need a set of scissors to cut it, as it is difficult to tear into desired lengths.  Paper tape is much easier to tear, but may require more of it to be effective.  Also, some individuals are allergic to paper tape, so it would be most wise to keep both kinds on hand.

18)   Where possible, it is always best to first wipe the wound or affected area to remove from it any dirt present.  Then use a couple sterile, gauze pads to clean the wound with peroxide, stop the bleeding, and apply with clean Q-tip, antibiotic cream, and bandage gently.

19)   Remember, please, to always keep your First Aid Kit in some semblance of order, so you won’t have to repeatedly dig-around, or look for the supplies that you may need, which wastes time, is frustrating, and postpones intervention and treatment.

My friends, this series has been of some difficulty to write, as I knew it would run long, yet, I did not want to miss more than I probably did miss.

One often thinks something as prosaic as a ‘First Aid Kit’ to be of little importance, or use, in day-to-day living.  From past experience, I feel quite the contrary, that your home First Aid Kit—when equipped, and maintained properly, is nothing less than your first line of defense, in the treatment of even simple wounds, to conditions that will require you telephone ‘911’ to summon an ambulance to your home.

It is at least a partial measure of my love and regard for you that you and yours be kept as well, and as safe as possible. Those were my only motives.  And in wracking my poor and tired brain to point of headache, I have tried to share with you things that I had experienced over the years. I still think the points are valid, and may prove to be of some possible help to you, whenever you most need it.  Remember—always—that you are special and unique to all the world.

As always—my most dear, and treasured friends—I wish so much for you days of much lessened, or of ‘no pain’; quiet, contemplative days, recalling dreams; afternoons, surrounded by both friends, and family members who love and care for you; happiness unbounded; pantries full, with no thought of need, or want; peaceful evenings, leading to nights of natural tiredness—looking forward to climbing into a cool and crisp bed; and blissful and untroubled sleep combining comfort, and pleasant dreams, protected—ever—by gentle angels, ‘to lead thee to thy wondrous rest’.

Please always know I love you dearly,

‘Zahc’/Charles