“
It’s Two: three-four a.m., And I Could Use…”
(
based upon too-many a true story )
As
always, to my most wonderfully kind, enduring friends, and so important, ever
loyal readers,
Prologue
How many times have you been prescribed a medication,
only to find it has some terrible, disrupting side-effect, that—subsequently requires
the ordering of a different medication, which also may evidence untoward
side-effects as well; and so, thus begins the ever-increasing spiral of
medications to help medications, to help medications?
And, before long, that single, original prescription
blossoms into a home-accumulated micro-pharmacy based one just one
medication Too soon, all of them are
needed in the prevention, stabilization, and amelioration of a physical
complaint that—while valid ( I will not argue efficacy ), it would,
nevertheless show how these ‘train car’ prescriptions begin to affect each
other, making some work too efficiently, and others, not nearly enough.
And, my dearest, one even casual look at my MDJ
profile will show why I am on so many medications, any one of which might
suddenly react abnormally; and with the slight assistance I receive for their increasing
cost, sometimes with the help, of course of my Primary, or pharmacist, every so
often, an overall review of all prescriptions must be made to see what I can
safely do without.
Many of these former scripts have been dropped from
my pharmacy plan, part D, wherein confusion is the watchword of the hour. Why, for example, Ambien 10 mgs, CR is no
longer covered, but that Ambien 10 mgs tabs still are.
From time to time, other, considered ‘necessary’
medications get dropped for no apparent reason.
And to continue those, I now have to pay ‘full price’, or pay the still exorbitant
‘discounted price.
Some time ago, when my Seroquel could only be had in
‘brand’, it cost $870.00 a month!
Although it has since become generic, I of course I now pay less, but
the Klonopin still weighs-in at nearly $50.00 a month, and other medications
are as nearly high.
Even with the needed reduction of required
medications I must take, I would roughly estimate my current medication bill to
exceed $1,900.00 a month. Who can afford
that? And since these meds have multiple
doses throughout the day, each considered of vital necessity, please tell me,
dearest friends, where does the ‘winnowing’ begin?
At one time, I was taking over twenty-six, different
medications a day. With more to
come. This could not be allowed to occur
Its funny, I suppose—when looking back---that that I
cannot afford or take the medications specific to my illness: the Lyrica, for
fibromyalgia caused a pronounced swelling in my legs, until I could barely
walk; the Plaquinal, for R.A., lists potential blindness among its most dire
side-effects.
And so, to many of my physical, or mental complaints
must be treated ‘palliatively’, instead of directly.
However, with the help of our Creator, and my
Primary, I have been able to reduce that ‘merry-go-‘round’ collection of bottles
and bottles of pills and tablets, to—I hope—a more manageable amount, for, too
many times, a huge, handful of pills consisted of my supper, as I had NO taste
for food.
So I would urge you, dearest friends, to be diligent
and cautious, but—when able—to decrease the amount of uncontrolled spiraling that
seems, inevitably, to occur over time, and with the addition of treatment for ‘new’
complaints.
I interrupt my planned topic to speak of this with
you, for, as in my case, in trying to load my medications for the week, I would—invariably—make
grave mistakes, by inadvertently doubling the doses, or, forgetting where in
the line of medications that ranged before me like silent soldiers I happened to
be.
My ‘hoped-for’ goal, my ever dearest friends, is to
help you with your medications…a most important adjunct in the process of your
treatment and care.
For you know—I hope—by now—that your safety and
health and wellbeing are ever my concern; and, as this weekend begins, I ever
wish for you no pain, or distress, but—rather, full-surrounded by those (
myself included ! ) who love you dearly.
With any troubles you may have flown far away.
And always…watched over, kept safe, and happy by the
constant ministering of purest angels.
I
“ It’s two: three-four a.m., and I could use a
friend
to—perhaps—sit quiet with me here
until my shaking stops, and all my most recent
nightmares end;
To pause, to wipe-away a tear.
Or, was it just a leg cramp and a migraine that
drove me out of bed
to find my way out to my kitchen chair, instead?
For I could use a kind, devoted friend to help calm
every fear
until, whatever bleak angels I could summon-up,
attend.
II
It’s two: five-six a.m., and I could use an arm
to hold me up when I cannot find my way;
one whose steady strength would keep me safe from
harm ( or, to help me don my socks to keep me warm ! ).
As untold, ‘Fibro-flare’s’ unutterable agony blurs
the sight, and makes all stationary objects sway.
To help me to the bathroom down the hall,
when a tired unsteadiness might make me fall.
That arm ( and hand ) so gently touch the crying
pain away
that somehow reassures from all alarm.
III
It’s four: one-eight a.m., and I could use a voice
that—patiently—would ever speak to me in quiet
tones:
“Your illness never was your choice…
You’ve nothing to atone.”
Although its very late, and, both of us still up,
please light my trembling cigarettes, and share my
mug of coffee, heated up.
“Although you may feel so lonely, yet you have never
been alone.
You didn’t realize that others love you too? For that, alone, rejoice.”
IV
It’s five: two-six a.m., and I could use a prayer;
some whispered words of hope, from an ever-gentle
heart,
to cause some lasting comfort to be visited there.
Oh, kind, enduring friend, please stay with me until
the dawn…its greying light impart.
The medication—by itself—can never chase away all
pain, all fear.
Instead…a grateful prayer, while said with growing
sigh, is answered back, that God is always near,
and that—despite my often tortured, lonely pain—He will
always keep us in his loving care.
V
It’s eight: one-five, a.m., and I could use some
sense of ease.
Oh, dearest friend, how can I near in full thank you
for you keeping vigil with me, until the accumulated medications took effect?
For who else would—without question—ruin their day
from lack of sleep, to tend to my desires?
For your unselfish kindness in my frequent hours of
need, helped keep my monsters far away; I cannot help but offer you my love,
and my respect.
The house and street—less quiet now—moves into
another day, the twin to all the others.
While dear Daisy sleeps most fitfully on the rug, at
fourteen, she—too—has pain, not unlike my own, which—unchecked—leeches life
away, and smothers.
Remorse, regret, and sorrowed pain, will repeat an
infinity of times I suspect,
but in your greater good, my caring friend, please
know I wish you joy, true happiness…and peace.
End
And,
please, please dear gentle friends, and ever, loyal readers that I love you
dearly !
‘Zahc’/Charles
