04/28/12
Since beginning my 'Blog' in late march, 2011--while I knew little about the genre, or what would consist of content, or, of how to attract (and keep) readers--I nonetheless wanted a forum in which to share with you my deepest thoughts, problems, life experiences, short vignettes of various kind, as well as the occasional poem, I found that my biography did not nearly exlain my situation, nor my desires.
These, I found, were two-fold: one, to bring to you expostion of a non-specific kind that you might find to be of some help, or interest, and, to also--in time--increase my readership base; the very notion of having loyal readers world-wide intrigued me, and--frankly--in time--I hoped to maybe monetize the Blog to help me with a dificient income.
While trying to find one's Voice, I had notable problems with sustainable content, as so, alowed the enrties to lapse for some four months; this effectively destroyed any readership I might have hoped to have, but--yet--I somehow, wanted to continue.
I happened to join a site called, 'MDJunction.com', which is an enormous member-based, clearing house for individuals with all manner of physical, and/or psychiatric conditions who were looking for support, caring, information, and understanding; one of the features of MDJunction was that members could write 'diary entries' on really, anything they liked, and the diary space allowed for member comment.
And so, I began, with some hesitancy, to write diary entries, there, in hope to prove to be of some, small possible help as a thanks for all who willingly befriended me, and for their kindness, caring, and non-judgemental support.
Slowly, I found it easier to write entries in that format. And when--since late July of 2011--I found that I had written some 180 entries, I thought--perhaps--to begin to transfer them to my Blog. These entries to MDJunction were almost all positive, urging me to cast wider my nets; and it remains a thrilling possibility of taking my MDJ entries to the next level...that of my Blog. To keep MDJ's membership of some 60,000 persons, to that of my Blog, which, in being world-wide, might attract more, and more regular readers.
Please forgive me, if I indulge in some vain, self-promotion, but, what do I have to say, that is not already being said somewhere amid a billion, other blogs?
1) I try to write about problems that we all have in common, perhaps, regretably, in a style of writing not seen for a hundred years.
2) And while, my friends, I freely admit to using punctuation as I may feel, I do try to write concise sentences, not given to slang, or to the current (and, to my mind, most annoying) tendency to 'text speak', nor, exposition that is 'emoticon heavy'.
3) I seriously promised, both at MDJunction and here, to never knowingly lie to you. I realize that such a promise is itself, open to suspicion; but one I hoped would be made manefest in the content of my entries.
To give you--perhaps--a better glimpse of who I am, beyond a bundle of likes and dislikes is my profile at MDJ., which I will attempt to share with you now.
'Zahc'
57 yr. old male.
Lives alone with 14 yr old Border collie mix.
Disabled since 2002. effective 2005.
Dx's: since 2002:
1)Acute Anxiety with Panic attacks; Severe Depression with Agoraphobia.
2)Numerous fractured ribs, and vertebral compression fractures at T-3-5, from frequent falls.
3)COPD; Orthostatic Hypertension: Migraines.
4)Apnea; RLS.
5)Slight episodes of CHF.
6)Diabetes.
7)Fibromyalgia; Lupus; connective tissue disorder.
8)Diabetic retinopathy.
9)Diabetic Neuropathy.
10)1-3+ edema in feet/legs to knees.
11) Possible RA
12) Chronic fatigue; Chronic pain Syndrome.
Hx. of asthema; bronchitis; pneumonia
13) Apparent Hx. of PTSD from childhood.
Am now on a bucket-load of medications which I detest.
Am housebound 98% of time, except for visits to doctor's offices.
Am on pain medication.
Have friends 38 miles away who never visit me, 'tho they telephone once or twice a week.
My dog is my best friend.
I now have the attention span of a gnat; I no longer watch television.
Sitting or standing for any length of time just about paralyzes me, and I then feel as if I am losing consciousness.
Am on oxygen 24/7, and can only walk with cane. I no longer can drive a car.
And live in a rural area with no one to talk with. And, often feel trapped and alone.
Though I am grateful for it, I have to live on a disability income that's at least a third of what I once earned.
I have NO family to speak of.
I live in Florida; its too hot and humid to get out, and require assistance with bathing, or getting in or out of a car.
I am on medicare, since 2005; Medicaid is a laugh.
And I am always broke by the 10th of the month.
However, any time I need an extra shower, or my lawn mowed, or my house tidied up, or my laundry done, or groceries bought & prescriptions picked up, I have to pay for these 'services' out of pocket.
And while I no longer moan, "Why me ?". I am bitter, and in almost constant pain.
My sleep is erratic with pain, and several bathroom calls, so am almost always tired.
I used to be an artist, wrote poetry, made books for friends, composed music, took photographs, wrote plays, and short stories...now...nothing.
I now need naps in the afternoon to survive the evenings.
Have gained 80 pounds, and am up to 3XL.
Have been trying to fix/repair/remodel my home on the cheap.
Often, I don't even feel well enough to become bored. One day is about like the next.
And, as I age, my symptoms just get worse.
When I was younger, I got a B.A. in Social & Behavioral Sciences, and Psychology, and have spent most of my working life in the health care field.
I still consider myself to be a good listener, and always enjoyed it if I could help others.
I now do nothing to earn my keep as an human being. And I hate it.
Sometimes, I wish I came equipped with an 'off' button.
If the Past was awful, the Present almost unbearable, I cannot even begin to imagine a Future that is not dismal in the extreme.
Oh, I used to enjoy gardening, but now, can no longer reach down, or get down on my knees as I need help getting up.
And I have great difficulty holding and using a pen as the entire right half of my right hand is completely numb; as it--too--is a numbness that causes pain. Go figure.
I really do not need 'hand holding', nor do I wish to be read stories to.
In fact, I have really NO idea what I think I want or need.
I do believe that I am more nice than nasty, and that I would--again--like to be of some help to someone in the same boat as am I.
Coping skills would be nice. Funny news, good news, anything. Your first grandchild; your new puppy ( or kitten ); your favorite receipe; your fondest hope; your mortal fear; what you think of during long nights of pain when sleep will not come, and is not restorative when it does.
I once had a fine mind that my body is now destoying bit by bit.
But then, most of you will know exactly what I mean.
Thanks for time at the podium.
Please take care all.
'Zahc'
The truth is that I am presently, very ill, and should you have read my blog entries, you will know that I am often in unbearable pain; both my diary entries to MDJ., and here, have proven to be of immeasurable help, in that, no matter how I may be feeling, my writing is often an anodyne to pain, and loneliness. And one of my few, remaing delights is to be read, and commented on.
I am NOT asking for pity, or for 'pity points', as--while the state of my health was never sought, nor desired--yet--it remains an integral part of my life.
I would like for whatever 'Voice' I do have to find sympathetic ears, it is rather the context of the entries that I would glady wish might form some kind readership, among you.
I most sincerely hope that what I have to say may prove to be of interest, as it mimics my regular diary entries, and--therefore--the 'adventures', and progress of a life...my life.
I would urge--should you 'accidentally stumble-across' this blog-- to kindly stay a while, and, if you have the time, to go back, and read my older posts.
To clear up some possible confusion, under MDJ., I post under the name of 'Zahc', though my name is Charles.
It is my continued hope that you may find my 'vision', and my 'views', to be contemporary, and germane to an everyday life, that we all share.
I welcome you to my Blog, and hope you will return again, and again. Should you ever have problems, questions, doubts, even, your comments would be most welcome !
And, as always, I wish you and yours well; may you never know want; may you be surrounded by the ones who love you, and care for you. I wish you quiet and untroubled days, and nights of blissful rest, kept always safe and secure.
I thank you for your most kind, and wonderful patience, and loyal reading.
Please take care,
Charles/'Zahc'
Since beginning my 'Blog' in late march, 2011--while I knew little about the genre, or what would consist of content, or, of how to attract (and keep) readers--I nonetheless wanted a forum in which to share with you my deepest thoughts, problems, life experiences, short vignettes of various kind, as well as the occasional poem, I found that my biography did not nearly exlain my situation, nor my desires.
These, I found, were two-fold: one, to bring to you expostion of a non-specific kind that you might find to be of some help, or interest, and, to also--in time--increase my readership base; the very notion of having loyal readers world-wide intrigued me, and--frankly--in time--I hoped to maybe monetize the Blog to help me with a dificient income.
While trying to find one's Voice, I had notable problems with sustainable content, as so, alowed the enrties to lapse for some four months; this effectively destroyed any readership I might have hoped to have, but--yet--I somehow, wanted to continue.
I happened to join a site called, 'MDJunction.com', which is an enormous member-based, clearing house for individuals with all manner of physical, and/or psychiatric conditions who were looking for support, caring, information, and understanding; one of the features of MDJunction was that members could write 'diary entries' on really, anything they liked, and the diary space allowed for member comment.
And so, I began, with some hesitancy, to write diary entries, there, in hope to prove to be of some, small possible help as a thanks for all who willingly befriended me, and for their kindness, caring, and non-judgemental support.
Slowly, I found it easier to write entries in that format. And when--since late July of 2011--I found that I had written some 180 entries, I thought--perhaps--to begin to transfer them to my Blog. These entries to MDJunction were almost all positive, urging me to cast wider my nets; and it remains a thrilling possibility of taking my MDJ entries to the next level...that of my Blog. To keep MDJ's membership of some 60,000 persons, to that of my Blog, which, in being world-wide, might attract more, and more regular readers.
Please forgive me, if I indulge in some vain, self-promotion, but, what do I have to say, that is not already being said somewhere amid a billion, other blogs?
1) I try to write about problems that we all have in common, perhaps, regretably, in a style of writing not seen for a hundred years.
2) And while, my friends, I freely admit to using punctuation as I may feel, I do try to write concise sentences, not given to slang, or to the current (and, to my mind, most annoying) tendency to 'text speak', nor, exposition that is 'emoticon heavy'.
3) I seriously promised, both at MDJunction and here, to never knowingly lie to you. I realize that such a promise is itself, open to suspicion; but one I hoped would be made manefest in the content of my entries.
To give you--perhaps--a better glimpse of who I am, beyond a bundle of likes and dislikes is my profile at MDJ., which I will attempt to share with you now.
'Zahc'
57 yr. old male.
Lives alone with 14 yr old Border collie mix.
Disabled since 2002. effective 2005.
Dx's: since 2002:
1)Acute Anxiety with Panic attacks; Severe Depression with Agoraphobia.
2)Numerous fractured ribs, and vertebral compression fractures at T-3-5, from frequent falls.
3)COPD; Orthostatic Hypertension: Migraines.
4)Apnea; RLS.
5)Slight episodes of CHF.
6)Diabetes.
7)Fibromyalgia; Lupus; connective tissue disorder.
8)Diabetic retinopathy.
9)Diabetic Neuropathy.
10)1-3+ edema in feet/legs to knees.
11) Possible RA
12) Chronic fatigue; Chronic pain Syndrome.
Hx. of asthema; bronchitis; pneumonia
13) Apparent Hx. of PTSD from childhood.
Am now on a bucket-load of medications which I detest.
Am housebound 98% of time, except for visits to doctor's offices.
Am on pain medication.
Have friends 38 miles away who never visit me, 'tho they telephone once or twice a week.
My dog is my best friend.
I now have the attention span of a gnat; I no longer watch television.
Sitting or standing for any length of time just about paralyzes me, and I then feel as if I am losing consciousness.
Am on oxygen 24/7, and can only walk with cane. I no longer can drive a car.
And live in a rural area with no one to talk with. And, often feel trapped and alone.
Though I am grateful for it, I have to live on a disability income that's at least a third of what I once earned.
I have NO family to speak of.
I live in Florida; its too hot and humid to get out, and require assistance with bathing, or getting in or out of a car.
I am on medicare, since 2005; Medicaid is a laugh.
And I am always broke by the 10th of the month.
However, any time I need an extra shower, or my lawn mowed, or my house tidied up, or my laundry done, or groceries bought & prescriptions picked up, I have to pay for these 'services' out of pocket.
And while I no longer moan, "Why me ?". I am bitter, and in almost constant pain.
My sleep is erratic with pain, and several bathroom calls, so am almost always tired.
I used to be an artist, wrote poetry, made books for friends, composed music, took photographs, wrote plays, and short stories...now...nothing.
I now need naps in the afternoon to survive the evenings.
Have gained 80 pounds, and am up to 3XL.
Have been trying to fix/repair/remodel my home on the cheap.
Often, I don't even feel well enough to become bored. One day is about like the next.
And, as I age, my symptoms just get worse.
When I was younger, I got a B.A. in Social & Behavioral Sciences, and Psychology, and have spent most of my working life in the health care field.
I still consider myself to be a good listener, and always enjoyed it if I could help others.
I now do nothing to earn my keep as an human being. And I hate it.
Sometimes, I wish I came equipped with an 'off' button.
If the Past was awful, the Present almost unbearable, I cannot even begin to imagine a Future that is not dismal in the extreme.
Oh, I used to enjoy gardening, but now, can no longer reach down, or get down on my knees as I need help getting up.
And I have great difficulty holding and using a pen as the entire right half of my right hand is completely numb; as it--too--is a numbness that causes pain. Go figure.
I really do not need 'hand holding', nor do I wish to be read stories to.
In fact, I have really NO idea what I think I want or need.
I do believe that I am more nice than nasty, and that I would--again--like to be of some help to someone in the same boat as am I.
Coping skills would be nice. Funny news, good news, anything. Your first grandchild; your new puppy ( or kitten ); your favorite receipe; your fondest hope; your mortal fear; what you think of during long nights of pain when sleep will not come, and is not restorative when it does.
I once had a fine mind that my body is now destoying bit by bit.
But then, most of you will know exactly what I mean.
Thanks for time at the podium.
Please take care all.
'Zahc'
The truth is that I am presently, very ill, and should you have read my blog entries, you will know that I am often in unbearable pain; both my diary entries to MDJ., and here, have proven to be of immeasurable help, in that, no matter how I may be feeling, my writing is often an anodyne to pain, and loneliness. And one of my few, remaing delights is to be read, and commented on.
I am NOT asking for pity, or for 'pity points', as--while the state of my health was never sought, nor desired--yet--it remains an integral part of my life.
I would like for whatever 'Voice' I do have to find sympathetic ears, it is rather the context of the entries that I would glady wish might form some kind readership, among you.
I most sincerely hope that what I have to say may prove to be of interest, as it mimics my regular diary entries, and--therefore--the 'adventures', and progress of a life...my life.
I would urge--should you 'accidentally stumble-across' this blog-- to kindly stay a while, and, if you have the time, to go back, and read my older posts.
To clear up some possible confusion, under MDJ., I post under the name of 'Zahc', though my name is Charles.
It is my continued hope that you may find my 'vision', and my 'views', to be contemporary, and germane to an everyday life, that we all share.
I welcome you to my Blog, and hope you will return again, and again. Should you ever have problems, questions, doubts, even, your comments would be most welcome !
And, as always, I wish you and yours well; may you never know want; may you be surrounded by the ones who love you, and care for you. I wish you quiet and untroubled days, and nights of blissful rest, kept always safe and secure.
I thank you for your most kind, and wonderful patience, and loyal reading.
Please take care,
Charles/'Zahc'
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