“How
Often—My Dearest Friends, At MDJunction—Do My Grateful Thoughts And Thanks Turn
Ever To YOU, As I Would Always Keep You Near My Heart!”
05/12/12
To my ever, dearest, and most wonderful friends,
and—of course—to my supportive, kind, and encouraging readers, I find that I
can never thank you enough for your befriending me; your patience, whenever I
might stray, or lose my thought. I thank
you for your caring, and your continued concern for Daisy’s, and my welfare;
your tolerance, whenever I would wax long in complaint about my often agonizing
pain.
Your most kind concern sustains, and lifts a spirit
that would otherwise know no hope; and in your comments, ‘hugs’, and ‘PMs’, and
further contacts, you make me somehow feel much less alone, whether in sadness,
or in suffering.
To me, this is made all the more remarkable, because
I know you have pain; experience distress, and loneliness; have been egregiously
abused (for which I anger, and shed for you honest tears, besides the ones I
shed for myself).
Yet, amazingly—somehow—you have kept me close to
you, even when I would rage against inequities, or, when I am in such global
pain, that—for me—the so-called ‘Pain Scale’ will never accurately assess my
illnesses, or my dark despair.
How many times have you read about my killer migraines
or my monthly lack of funds on which to live?
Or, paused to hear me repeat again, and again, my nightmare-filled and
saddened attempts at some kind of rest that might hope to restore, but so very
rarely, ever does.
Perhaps, it is—in part—because you KNOW, and have
experienced many of the same illnesses, and pain, and suffering that I do,
which makes you a wise, experienced arbiter of my complaints. While—on the other hand—too many, now, it
seems—‘real time friends have left with hardly a backward glance or thought,
preferring—instead—to gladly leave me to twist in the breeze of their
subsequent intolerance, and lack of patience.
And, often, when they’ve remained to take from me all that I can offer, step-back
into veiled cloaks of invisibility, knowing that—financially—the ‘well’ is dry.
Even my Pain Doctor seems to view me as some
‘billable commodity’ (and, he’s reputed to be among the ‘good ones’!), willing
to see me for the least time possible, knowing that my need for pain medication
is great, and that I accept his careless scripts with trembling hands; it is a
dangerous game we play, for without some amelioration from often unendurable
pain, what life I have would quickly fall apart, and the pain—untreated—would
have me in the hospital; or ( as has tragically happened to many others) look
outside for that which can be purchased in the street. Or—frankly—my dearest
friends—as I know you can fully relate to this—would have me looking for some
weapon to successfully terminate a state of being, while though unasked for, is
nonetheless relentlessly evil, and unbearable.
And so, again, and again I would wish to convey to
you my constancy, my friendship, my caring, and my gratitude to you for so
many, many things, for you know I ever keep you safe within my heart.
And, always wish for you days of lessened, or of ‘no
pain’; with psychiatric, or physical conditions kept at bay, and more under
your control, with just the right, attending medications to confer upon you
some larger measure of peace and contentment.
I always wish you be surrounded by family and
friends who—even as they ‘know you’, still love you and care for you, so that
you may never have to feel alone. I wish
so much for you days free from needless stress, or panic, or anxiety…days of
purpose, and determination to succeed.
During—now—the month of May, I wish for you more
prosperity, with pantries’ full, and, somehow, income sufficient to see you
comfortably through the month. And the
month after…and the one after that, and so on.
I wish that your everyday begin with a sense of glad
anticipation, and a smile; of days of discovery, and personal achievement.
I further wish you afternoons of quiet
contemplation, or the resumption of happy recreation; of wonderful times spent
with true and truest friends, even if its just to play cards, or kibitz (the
point being that you’re together).
I fully wish for you the availability, even in some
slight fashion, to enjoy Nature’s wonderment and beauty. If you cannot readily
get ‘out’(the same as I), the delightful panorama of the world, and Nature’s
bounty still can be viewed through the window; oh please, do not let this
calming ‘greenness’ pass you by.
And then, my very, very dearest friends, and loyal
readers, as the day inevitably winds down to the advent of evening and night, I
so wish you not ever be afraid of the coming darkness; think—instead—it meant
to heal, by restoring your strength for the ‘morrow’. And to that end, I wish your sleep be
natural, full, and free from problems from the day before; free from stress, or
wakefulness, especially of nightmare: to allow your subconscious to gather ‘all
your ducks in a row’, without scaring or disquieting you, leaving you to
wander-through a darkened house that—at that time—might seem too quiet, or too
empty.
And as always, dearest friends, I wish for you
“flights of angels, to sing thee to thy rest.”
Please, please always know I love you dearly,
‘Zahc’
P.S. It is
with no small sense of astonishment, and sudden, surprised discovery, to learn
that—since about the end of July, 2011—THIS diary entry marks the 200th,
that I have so-far written to you. And
in those numbers, should I have ever proven to be of some, small help, or
amusement to you, then, my wonderful friends at MDJunction, then, my heart is
truly gladdened within me. And I thank
you for your constancy, your help, your readership, AND your friendship!
May
your gentle hearts be filled with all the genuine happiness that it can hold!
‘Zahc’
No comments:
Post a Comment