'' Top Ten Reasons Why Being A ' Tyrannosaurus Rex' Sucks '

 

To my dear, dear friends, and ever-loyal readers: I think of you often, whether I happpen to online or not; I think of your kindness, your acceptance, encouragement, and support, allof which you give so freely, never seeking anything in return.

 

I see you as the kind of family I wished I had had, and the friends I wish I had had, those who would remain stready influences all my life. When I think of you, I think what wonderful neighbors you would be, and I could foresee many, pleasant evenings of soft music, lowered lights, good food, and...kind conversation.

 

That--too me--would be the kind of life I would wish to forge for myself. and, there...find MY bliss.

And so, my dearest friends, in lieu of the usual, 'deathless and breathless', entries of dire and doom that I oft tend to write, I thought for this Tuesday, November 15, 2011, I would submit a lighter piece, in fond hopes that it may bring a smile to your face, and a laugh upon your lips, and...some brief, little joy to your heart, and with it, all hopes for a terrific day !!

 

I don't know how any of you look at the " David Letterman Show " late at night, but I have 'borrowed' a popular segment from his show: The 'Top Ten Lists", and have written my own, in hopes that it may--in some way--brighten your day. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did, writing it.

 

' Top Ten Reasons Why Being A ' Tyrannosaurus Rex' Sucks '

by 'Zahc'

 

#10) I really hate it when people call me 'T-Rex"; hey...for your information, its 'Tyrannosaurus Rex"; that's right, you boneheads, "Tyrant Lizard King" !!!!!! Besides, 'T-Rex' sounds like some overweight red-neck, living in a trailer, who happens to think he can sing !.

 

#9) Carnivore or Scavenger ? Jesus...when did I go from being 'Tyrant 'effing Lizard King; top dog, scattering all before me in terror, to eating shit that's been lying around dead already ? Sheesh...that's just Nasty.

 

#8) Cantilever Posture ? There's a skeleton of my cousin in the National Museum in New Your City; oh, sure...they may have made a few misstakes here and there, but...there he is: standing upright, tall, regal-looking, even. Now, there's a 'Rex' in my opinion.

Current wisdom has me permanently bent at the hips, like a kiddies' see-saw, bobbing up and down; its just embarassing. Geez...YOU try it, running around all day with your tail in the air, bent over like that for eight hours and see if it doesnt just kill your back.

 

#7) Up scale grocery stores want to sell my eggs in the 'Green Section'; do I get a cut ? Dream on !

 

#6) O.K., already, so I have big feet, and take something like a size 52EEEEEEEEE; you know how hard it is to buy shoes ? Not even at WalMart; plus, with these claws, I'm not about to shell out $300.00 for a pair of NIKE's that'll only last a couple of weeks or so.

 

#5) Its not like you can just go into a bar for a quiet drink, without running into some drunken Allosaur or something, sobbing about how he's lost all of his friends. It was A COMET, dammit, not like it was something we planned or anything. Get over it already. We all took hits.

 

#4) O.K....let's face it...I have horrible breath, supposedly from eating all that dead shit; but, do you know how hard it is to pick up chicks ?.

 

#3) On airlines, I gotta buy three seats for myself, and three more just for my tail. You know how much THAT costs !

 

#2) Look--you morons--I ruled the Jurassic Period for millions and millions of years; you humans haven't been around for spit. ALL that movie crap you see is just pure Hollywood. It could be worse, I guess; after a zillion, cheap films with a man in a rubber suit...how totally humiliating !!! No wonder I heard that Godzilla's hitting the hard stuff.

 

And the #1 reason why "Being a Tyrannosaurus Rex Sucks:

 

Dogs and cats can lick ther own genitals, but me, King Tyrant Lizard with these two, little, cartoon arms, I can't even scratch ny NOSE when it itches !!!!!!!!!!!

 

And there you have it, my dearest friends, and gentle readers; I wish for you a glorious, 'pain-free'day, or at least significantly lessened; a quiet, comteplative evening, freedom from want or care. And a night of blissful, restorative rest, and.....' may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest '.(Shakespeare.) Love, 'Zahc'