" A Questioned Prayer; A Sad And Lost Lament "

 

“A Questioned Prayer; A Sad And Lost Lament”

 

 

01/31/13

 

 

( As always, to my very dearest friends, and ever-loyal readers )

 

 

I

 

Je vous prie, je vous implore,

mon Seigneur*, Lord whom I adore.

How much greater was my greatest sin—

that in eclipsing all other slights—was then

raised so quickly up to Heaven’s door ?

 

 

II

 

Could it have been the subject of some nightmare dream

full-birthed by an Unconscious mind, obscene,

that so moved You to an incandescent rage

that no uttered prayer erase, assuage ?

Unwanted dreams—while sleeping that in a thousand, carnal ways blasphemed.

 

 

III

 

While base Evils all around me swell,

all monstrous dance about the very fires of Hell;

a damned army, unrestrained, with swords and spears all raised, their blood-stained flags unfurled.

All spreading terror, torture, fear around the world,

while fearing not that place to where Your most beloved angel fell.

 

 

IV

 

Their history is written large across the human plain.

Wherever evil flourishes, no goodness can remain.

In a thousand, different tongues their voices roar;

their’s is a lurid legacy of famine, and of war.

How much of Your Kingdom can those slaughtered innocents claim ?

 

 

V

 

Oh mercy, Lord, how can You let such Evil thrive

unpunished, while my own repentance seems so thoroughly denied ?

For dread circumstance makes me afraid;

I do not understand, and am in full dismayed.

And when—oh Lord—will bless’d deliverance arrive ?

 

 

VI

 

I do not ask for fame or earthly wealth,

although I frequent pray for better health.

Each day and night my fever’d prayers are sent aloft in vain.

I do not ask for grandeur, but for some marked relief from pain,

Saved from wretched want, some lasting peace, and purer Self.

 

 

VII

 

I pray for some facility of mind,

some measured calm each day to find.

And at day’s end to fall into a blissful sleep

while all about me, angels to their watches keep

that I might wake more forgiving, kind.

 

 

VIII

 

My Savior, with Your power to move,

please let Your loving mercy prove

to take away my sadness and all of my unending grief.

Please grant—I pray—some little comfort and relief.

Above all, being thus gratefully reassured,

please let me ever joyous revel in Your love.

 

End

 

·                 Fr. “Je vous prie, je vous implore,

Mon Seigneur”

‘I pray you, I implore you, my Savior’

 

Oh, my very dearest, kindest friends, I ask for your forgiveness for my now long absence from my diary.

I know that you will kindly understand how incapacitating can be great depression, pain, lack of needed finances, Daisy’s continued decline, complete lack of sleep, and a migrained, ‘mind fog’, so severe, that thoughts and words escape me. Sometimes, even, ’parts’, of sounded words cause confusion and pain.

 

I also realize there will be those members—evidently more centered, focused, and apparently much stronger than I who might chide me for, ‘willingly’, falling into this most awful and prolonged state, and then using it as some unacceptable excuse.

To them I laud their greater strength, their sense of purpose, their firm and unyielding resolve.  And hope that they may continue happy in this state.

 

Please oh please remember my dear friends, that—even though I may post now but infrequently—I think of you so very often, and hope with all my heart that you may be in, ‘no pain’, or, much lessened pain, free from want or care, in full—surrounded by family members, friends (and, pets !), who love you for the most wonderful and special person that you are.

And, for all the happiness your kind hearts can hold.

 

And as always, please know I love you dearly!

 

 

‘Zahc’/Charles