' My Random Thoughts, Today, re: S.S.D.I. '

' My Random Thoughts, Today, re: S.S.D.I. '

Mar 15 2012

‘ My Random Thoughts, Today, re: S.S.D.I. ‘

Part I of II, perhaps,

03/15/12

My very dearest, caring friends, and ever-loyal readers, I find I think of you often, so many times during my days, and also at night, when sleep will not come easily, and, when it-at last-arrives, is not lasting, nor refreshing; when, in a sort of groggy, half-wakefulness my mind a-shroud in fatigued restlessness, I consider my own dilemmas, do I have room to consider yours.
I wonder if you've settled for the night, and the house is-at last-quiet, and are perhaps still lying there, with minds consumed by circular thought and worry.
I know that many of you are as I: having been reduced to living a far less than substantial life; always with financial obligations which scream at you for payment; over-due mortgages; or, with some major thing, or appliance kicking out its last, but with no money to have it repaired, not replaced, but merely patched together in prayered hopes that it or they will last some little longer.
To more heartbreaking matters of trying to provide some adequate life for your children, down, and still more down, until you reach the level that I am at today: while that there's still +two weeks before my S.S.D.I check comes in, I have:
1) A now, maxed-out credit card to consider;
2) My Ad Valorum taxes that MUST be paid before month's end.
3) ( And, dear friends...please do not fuss at me for this indulgence ) Having to recompense my cousin (who usually visits me once a week), for cigarettes, a six-pack of beer, and $20.00 in singles which I use to pay the County Medicare Taxi, to take me to my various Doctor's appointments.
4) To save-up, to pay my blessed C.N.A. for two, assisted showers a week; the laundry; and the occasional couple hours on her weekend off, to come and clean the house, lest it quick resembles a ‘monkey pit'.
5) Since I have asked my neighbor now three times, and will not ask, again, for her to go shopping for groceries for me, I must somehow have enough money to telephone-in my order, and pay $30.00 to have the store deliver it to me at home.
6) Trying-somehow-to come up with a grocery list that is manageable, and can be afforded on what's left in my checking account, or any sum still left uncharged with my credit card.
And so, about this time of the month, I spend hours, sitting out at the same kitchen counter which, by default, has oft become my ‘second bed', this time with a glass of tepid team and cooling cup of coffee, with a blank, legal pad, and pen, writing scribbled numbers, and more numbers; each figure a monthly bill, or attempt to calculate the necessary funds for my cousin, and my C.N.A., my face and head a-swirl in a wreath of tobacco smoke, as I frown, and-in having used up each page, tearing it up, and moving to the next, and the next, hoping against hope that, somehow, the addition of these disparate quantities will in as correct a manner as is possible, reveal-at last-some funds remaining at the end of the coming month.
And although I do this every month about now, and doing so, several times over as my financial circumstances change, still, I always hope that I will not have spent myself into oblivion.
And all this is due to the very fixed and nearly immutable amount I receive each month from S.S.D.I. For IT is my only source of income; there are no others.
For those of you, my dearest friends, whose health, and fully diagnosed conditions prevent you from even part time work, and who are trying to be adjudged disabled, and thus eligible for S.S.D.I. ,my having been on it, now, for over seven years, I would, with your most kind permission, tell you of my love/hate relationship with disability income.
First, please, please know, dear friends, and loyal readers, I am most grateful for my S.S.D.I., as it is my only income, without which, I would be living (or, most likely, dying) in the streets, or with my dog Daisy, homeless, trying-somehow-to live in woods, with no oxygen, medications, running water, nor any of the often, taken-for-granted privileges : those countless things we forget, but consider to be part of life in America.
Since S.S.D.I is exactly the same, and the same amount you'd receive if you has suddenly ‘retired' at your age, not at the typical age of 62-70.
It is based upon your best ‘ 40 quarters' , or, ten years of employment when your income had been the highest, resulting in a greater contribution to Social Security by you on your yearly income tax.
Of course, during those ten years, the higher your salary, and thus, contributions, the theoretical higher would be your S.S.D.I

End of Part I of II; Part II to follow,

As always, I love you dearly,

‘Zahc'/Charles