' Oh, My Most Dear, And Gracious Savior: Perhaps There Has Been Some Mistake...'

Mar 13 2012

‘ Oh, My Most Dear, And Gracious Savior: Perhaps There Has Been Some Mistake; My Name Is Not ‘Job', And I Could Use A Break. Please Respond ‘

03/12/12

To my ever dear friends, and kind, loyal readers,
I can-in truth-never in some little part thank you for your continuing care, support, concern, when even at my darkest hour when my pain is at its worst, I know that you will ‘be there', to comfort, and to help sustain me; when even the passage of my days seems full of pain, and even my slight ability to endure life's problems, when they-too-would seem insurmountable and unyielding, you have, in your compassion, read my diary entries...which brings a joy to me not likely found elsewhere.
It is YOU who have befriended me, and often with your honeyed and calm reassurances , have given me a new strength; one that I had thought I'd lost.
And even in more serious times, when I feared that I would unravel from the stresses of them, I know that I can-with a grateful trust-- turn to you for guidance, and for help.
For, how has so often to us major situations in life occur not one by one, but rather in their seemingly devilish attacks, would craftily add life's diffulties to us by the score
You have this wonderful ability to comfort, and to protect, for, you-too-have roiled in such a severity of pain, depression, and loathsome ‘mind fog', which further reduces one to manage; the difficulty in choosing supper, when as nothing appeals to the taste; of spending too many evenings at home, trying to make up some kind of budget for the coming month, when you already know that you'll be broke to soon; to find-in terror-that your pain medications will not last until they can be refilled.
Of getting, along with all the usual bills, the odd, unpayable medical bill that you had forgotten., but that now demands payment lest it readily be turned over for Collections, which just causes you to sigh, as even now, your ‘credit rating' has bottomed out.
Then there are always the ‘new ‘surprises: the refrigerator that has silently worked for decades, that you return to one day, to find frozen foods well into thawing, and a huge puddle of water on the floor.
Or, it could be your washing machine, or dryer, that gives no warning when it quits, surprising you with a load of wet and soapy laundry just sitting there, until you have to drag it all to a Laundromat, but haven't nearly enough quarters on hand, or ready cash-for that matter, to make enough change.
In addition to being ill, bipolar, depressive, or easily given to panic attacks, and even of your so-called, ‘regular' pains that quickly turn to agony with no warning.
This terrible and unexpected list goes on and on:
The family car that one morning will not start, despite the fact that you have doctor's appointments to keep, particularly in pain management, where appointments simply cannot be missed.
Or, an errant leak beneath the kitchen sink, unable to be just a simple repair, but always one that necessitates a visit by a plumber. An inner-and, sometimes-outer voices screams how will it get paid?
And to many of you who have dependent children, how-on a routine visit-suddenly need glasses...or braces.
For even if you sacrifice all of yourself, it still is not enough.
We are so accustomed to scraping by, and scraping by on such a person deficit economy, that-in truth-any extra stresses cause us to question life;
We who live I such poverty, below-in fact-the Lower Class, have our suffering and our pains multiplied beyond all reason, and sometimes, beyond all caring.
How, so often in the desperate search for some little, extra cash, attempt endless ‘deals', or go ‘hat-in-hand' to anyone who might give to us a loan; and, if so, wonder painfully it can be repaid?
And, of course, it goes without saying that we have long-since maxed-out all our charge cards, and struggle now, to pay the minimums every month.
For those of you-my dearest friends-who have heard my lamentable story, to recap: almost ten days ago-no-my well went dry, leaving me with no running water to the house; now in the twenty-six years that I have lived here. Oh, occasionally, the well-points were shorted out, but my dear, late father could nearly repair anything around the house; a skill, that somehow, I never inherited, nor mastered.
In just that week, my coping skills, mental, and physical health almost dropped out from under me; and should running water not be restored, I would be forced to move to some horrible A.L.F., or nursing home (the County's choice). And then, what would happen to my dog, Daisy?
Sometimes-though-a kinder Providence will move what seemed to me to be a mountain, and because my County exports millions of gallons of water from the aquifer, to sell to adjacent Counties, leaving some wells where I reside dry, or pumping up sand.
Thank God I was led to a Program that drilled a new well, put pipe in, and a new pump into for free. And it was estimated to be a $10,000.00 project, one, I never could have personally afforded.
And so, I now have running water to the house; there just remains a test for bacteria, before it is deemed potable.
Being diabetic I went-today-to have my podiatry done (as only a physician can legally do it), and to pick up my, ‘once-a year' pair of new shoes provided by Medicare.
When I arrived home, the workmen were just finishing the well job; I felt as if some unbelievable weight had been lifted from my shoulders; the worrying, and panicking, all of the despair, while still there, had become as shadows, as insubstantial as all shadows are.
I manage to tip the two workmen, a small, embarrassing amount, but, it was all I had.
It was after they had packed up and gone, that I took my pain medication, patted dog, and changed into my pajamas, seeking to look at, and perhaps respond to, my e-mail.
I discovered that the cable to the computer was out, as-indeed-were both my telephones. I had no way to report the outage, nor of letting BrightHouse know online. I do not have a cell phone, and thus was in finality, cut off from everyone, nor would either telephone connect me to ‘911', should I need to.
At first, I was angered and outdone; until the reality of the situation hit me. For, those of us who live alone, and have no cars, and cannot drive them, anyway, my current situation leaves me trapped within my own home. What if there should be a disaster; what if I should take a nasty fall; what if I should have a heart attack? ‘What ifs' quickly piled onto ‘what ifs'? And, one by one, all the uncertainties and panic rose to the fore.
Luckily, this evening, early, I received-delivered to my home-- a prescription for antibiotics my Podiatrist wants me to take, She so very kindly went across the street to some neighbors, who both happened to be home, in hopes that they will report my telephone service is down, as well as the cable to my computer.
Again I feel my pain levels have increased, as has my panic, and fear.
And...how long will it take before the necessary repairs can be made? Sometimes the process has taken upward of a week,.

And so my most wonderful, and most giving friends, I would wish you lessened, or of ‘no pain'; evenings, not of worry but delight; pantries full, and quiet nights of safe, restorative sleep; financially secure, with just that ‘little bit' hid aside for emergencies, and, at days; end, a lasting sense of peace, and quiet happiness.
I love you dearly,
‘Zahc'/Charles