"How Often Do We-While Looking Towards The Sky.."

“  How Often Do We—While Looking Towards The sky—Miss The Little Things Beneath Our Feet?  “

(dedicated—with much admiration—to my friend, ‘mabri’ )

06/01/12

Today, my most dear friends, I must excuse my brevity, as I am again most ill which compromises my thinking processes, as well as rendering me somewhat less than physically well; and, frankly, gentle friend, what I current most want to do—besides eliciting with some regularity, a diary post, is just to dose up, ignore the telephone, and just to go back to bed.

I hope that you will forgive me, as this new illness attacks what is left of my faulty immune system, and leaves me in, perhaps, a greater pain than is usual.

To my very, dearest friends, and kind, and constant loyal readers,

I wish, today, to tell you of a trending thought, a most distracting habit, that all of us at MDJunction seem so easily caught up in.

It is something I can full-relate to, especially on days such as this, where my entire body seems to move in synchrony to utter agony, and, were this not enough, add to it, please a two-day migraine, and now a sore throat, as if I had somehow, swallowed a cheese grater, and with difficulty breathing.

Too often, while in our worst pain, or despairing, depressive states, we turn our attention Heavenward, to either ask for help in healing or for some brief distraction, by looking at the underside of clouds, hoping with all our might for that ‘one’ Primary, that ‘one’ medication, that ‘one’ thing which will cure us (and our families, too !).

For, whether our daily suffering is either physical, or mental in origin, or both, in desperation, and desire, we fly from that ‘One’ big thing to another, and are completely disappointed, and destroyed, whenever that ‘one’ thing, upon which we have placed our hopes and hearts, leaves us no better off than before.  Yet we still believe that—in the largeness, and wished for inevitability—we will be made different, cured so that we are no longer afraid, no longer ill, but be—is if by some greater, or rough magic to be returned to a time, before the dreaded reality of all this shit began to settle in, and to become part of, and so redirects our lives, which—in consequence—like a falling domino, that begins to knock the rest down, affects adversely those who are dearest to us…family members, and long-time friends.

For with the severity of our conditions, our entire life paths are altered…irrevocably for some.

What I think we frequently miss are the more simple truths, the smaller gifts, and…if I may use my dearest friend ‘mabri’ as an example, while she is suffering daily, and has Panic and Anxiety, nevertheless, it is to her credit that she paused to look at the treasure beneath her feet, and so, the other day, put these little gifts, and strivings, and hopes, and fears, and pronounced Agoraphobia, was nevertheless able to find within herself the strength, courage, forgiveness, and determination, along with a God-sought sense of purpose, was able to drive some ways away from her home, to meet a dear friend for lunch.

For many, this seems hardly worth of a mention or consideration…but, they who would deem it insignificant are not Agoraphobic, are unaware  of how important was her success, not only to her, but to countless others for whom their homes have become their prisons.

Perhaps, you simply do not understand what Agoraphobia is like, and—often—how it can make a person ‘shut down’.

I have Agoraphobia as well; and while it is one of those small, and underfoot successes that I can mostly ride the County’s Medicare bus to doctor’s appointments to whom I must go, I still have my ‘safe zones’, and also places I cannot go.  Sometimes that means, I cannot even go out to my own mailbox.  And if that sounds stupid, I would kindly urge you to walk in my shoes for a week, and see what unutterable pain, panic, depression, and overall fear is like; then, please tell me you no longer understand.

For me, and so many others, ‘mabri’s venturing out, was—in its own way—as important as watching man’s first landing on the moon in 1969.  For it gives us hope that someday, we, too, will be able to take that ‘one small step’, and then another, then another,  forgiving ourselves when we fail, but being full—encouraged on, by sympathetic group members, and by the demonstrated success of ‘mabri’, herself.

And I was also most touched, and impressed by the way the members of the Agoraphobia group gathered together with their interest, encouragement and praise; these are group members at their finest, which makes me proud to be a small part of. ‘mabri’s’ success was lauded by one and all.

Oh...the gainsayers out there may dismiss it as possibly a ‘one time’ thing.  And, maybe, the next time may prove to be too difficult to accomplish.

However—as an aside—‘mabri’ has always been one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever had the privilege to meet, and for her, I could not be more happy. For as I mentioned to the group, and, separately to ‘mabri’ what a positive role model she was, and that she (and others), can now be of more conjoined, and powerful help to new people seeking help, support, and encouragement.

From—perhaps—a more Humanistic viewpoint, it really matters not whether you—as individuals—has Agoraphobia, Depression, Bipolar I and II, P.S.T.D., or other psycho/socio problems, we are basically as one; and your successes become my hopes.  And your triumphs become my dreams.

Never spend too much time in looking aloft, lest you miss a most golden opportunities beneath your very feet.  Never fear…the stars will still be there!

You know I love you dearly, please take care,

‘Zahc’/Charles