"Happiness. Gratitude"

“Happiness.  Gratitude”

 

 

05/28/14

 

 

To my always dearest friends and constant, loyal readers,

 

Again, my friends, please excuse my long absence.

In my last entry, I spoke of the profound sadness I had been experiencing. 

One of the problems with extreme sadness—should it go unrelieved—is the very likely chance that it will drop through the black hole of severe depression; which is what again happened to me.

 

I found myself merely going through the motions of daily living, without, really, giving it any regard.

Fueled by savage pain and nightmared and inconstant sleep, I wanted to ‘feel’ as little as possible and ‘do’ as little as possible.

 

Depression knows no time table, and keeps no schedule; it is gradually that it slowly begins to lift, finally offering some relief.

 

 

To my latest entry, I received four heart-warming comments.

One—written by member, ‘LoneDove’—spoke not of sadness, but, rather of the elements in her life that caused her to be happy.  Which gave me occasion to step-back and to think.

And it was she who so kindly gave me permission to share her comments with you:

 

Delete 

written by LoneDove, April 21, 2014

Oh Zahc, your writing is so beautiful... even when full of sadness.
I don't have sadness to share as to date, despite my illness, my life is full of happiness and I focus on that every single day.
I focus on the sun rise, I focus on the bird song, I focus on the children laughing as they walk to school.
I see happiness in my dogs' smiles and in the hug I receive every night from the loving arms wrapped around me when my husband walks through the door.
I see happiness in my children's triumphs and in the sparkle in my nephew's eyes.
I wish for you only happiness dear friend. Every day you live to fight is a day worth celebrating and I'm glad you have a part in mine.
Brightest Blessings .

 

Though our life circumstances are different: she has a loving spouse, children, and (pets!), I live quite alone.

 

 

And, I do not know the personal burdens she must bear.

Still…I would like to offer her my most sincere admiration and respect for her determination to seek out, and to find happiness wherever it may be found.

 

 

Unutterable pain, seemingly without end, depression, remorse, uncertainty about the future, doubt, and despair are all killers of happiness.

 

Which is not to say that I do not experience happiness; but my hapinesses—however—are transient, fleeting, and ephemeral, often beginning with a smile, and ending with a laugh.

 

The sight—for example—of the early rising sun reflected from every dewy blade of grass and petalled flower is a welcome tonic for a bad night and ruined sleep.

My next-door neighbors have chickens, roosters, peeps, and peafowl.  Several times a day, they manage to jump the fence into my yard to peck at the bird seed I have thrown there.  Their antics do make me laugh.

 

As does the sight of cardinals, bluebirds, robins, squirrels, and those very tiny, little lizards that dart-about on my back deck.

 

And while happiness may often be in short supply, I remain so very, very grateful for my blessings.

 

You cannot know—my dear, dear friends here at MDJunction just how precious is your friendship to me.

Your ‘hugs’, ‘PM’s’, warm my heart, and I am ever grateful for your reading—and making comments to—my diary. It is then that I feel as if I have some senses of purpose.

 

 

I wish for you so much for no pain, or-if it must be so—then certainly much lessened pain, depression or despair.

May your days be bright and wonderful.  May you never know want, surrounded in full by those who love you and care for you.

Wishing you nights of blissful sleep, as ever watched over by gentle angels.

And may your kind hearts always be filled with happiness and joy!

 

 

Please know that even in my absences, I think about you so very often, and that I love you dearly!

"Zahc"/Charles

 

 

 

‘Zahc’